My name is Heather, and I serve as the Marketing Director at AmanaCare. I’m in my early 40s. And I’ve already buried both of my parents years ago.
My dad passed suddenly from a heart attack, then my mom passed slowly from cancer. Both losses were heartbreaking, but the experiences surrounding them were very different. Let me explain.
When There Is No Plan
When my dad left this earth to go to heaven, we were in shock. There were so many questions — and no answers. Questions like, what did he want at his funeral? Who should speak? What songs would he have chosen? Who would serve as pallbearers? What causes did he believe in for dedicated funeral donations?
And then there were his things. His wedding ring, his classy suit jackets, his fishing poles and hunting rifles — who should have them? These pieces of his life that really meant something to him, what did he want us to do with them? We had no idea.
We did our best. We made loving decisions. But there was always that lingering uncertainty: “Is this what Dad would have wanted?” That weight sits heavier than most people realize.
When There Is Clarity
When my mom passed away, things were different. Because she had time, and she used it. She had binders that were organized, labeled, and clear.
- Passwords written down.
- Accounts documented.
- Who managed her money.
- Where important documents were stored.
She chose her medical Power of Attorney. Then she appointed her financial Power of Attorney.
She told us:
- Which flowers she wanted at her funeral.
- What songs should be played.
- The exact photo for the program.
- Who should be pallbearers.
- What she wanted to wear.
Later, she changed her mind about the casket and said, “Actually, I don’t want everyone staring at me. Let’s do closed.”
We even knew where she wanted funeral donations directed. She had already notified the realtor that her house would be sold. She told us clearly what should happen with her money. She reminded us how hard she and my dad worked for it and counseled us to make wise decisions. There were very few unknowns. And let me tell you — just knowing made all the difference.
Why Do We Avoid This?
Because it feels unpleasant, it’s not fun, and it is overwhelming.
People say:
“I’ll do it later.”
“I’m not old yet.”
“I’m not ready.”
“It’s overwhelming.”
But here’s the truth: The best time to plan is when you feel good. Plan ahead when you’re clear-headed, healthy, and when decisions can be made calmly — not during a crisis.
Legal Clarity Is a Gift
Planning doesn’t eliminate grief, but it eliminates chaos.
Every adult should have:
- A Medical Power of Attorney
- A Financial Power of Attorney
- A clear understanding of where key documents are kept
- Open conversations about wishes
Tell your loved ones what you have and where you have it. Explain your health status, your financial situation, and your insurance policies to the people you trust. Give them access. Planning is not about expecting death. It’s about protecting your family from unnecessary confusion.
The Question Only You Can Answer
Do you want secrecy until the will is read? Or do you want clarity while you’re still here? There’s no right answer for every family. But whatever you choose — be unapologetic. Remember: it’s your money and your legacy. Decide with intention.
The Legacy Beyond Paperwork
At AmanaCare, we walk alongside families every day who are facing aging, illness, and end-of-life decisions. The families who have clarity grieve differently. They still cry, and they still ache. They still miss their person.
But they are not scrambling. They are not guessing, and they are not fighting for clarity. They are honoring. And from personal experience — that peace is priceless.
If you’re healthy right now, consider this your gentle nudge. Don’t wait for a crisis. Plan from a place of strength. Your family will thank you.
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